It was Dying Matters Awareness week last week. They produced these findings:
"Although the majority of us think talking about death is less of a taboo than it was 20 years ago, two-thirds of us say we are not at ease discussing it, according to the survey.Only 16% of us have discussed with loved ones where we would like to die, only 18% of us have talked about the type of care and support we want at the end of our lives, and very few of us have discussed whether we have made a will or the type of funeral we want. It also revealed that most of us have used euphemisms as a way of avoiding using the words “death” and “dying”. The most commonly used being 'passed away' and 'deceased'."
A spokeswoman from Dying Matters said: "Although someone in Britain dies every minute, our research has found that many people do all they can to avoid talking about dying. Unless we talk openly about dying and death we won’t be able to get the care and support we want, where we want it at the end of our lives.”
I have to say I agree there seems to still be a taboo about death and some people talk about it as little as they possibly can - or are constantly treading on egg shells. However, the healing and grieving process and acceptance often start through talking about these deep experiences and feeling free to cry a lot. Why would there be so many bereavement counsellors if this were not the case? I know everyone is different but certainly for me talking about it at the appropriate times really helps.
As I grew up our family seemed more open about death than others and there was even a list on the notice board for each of them - requests for their funerals. Occasionally people express shock and I think some think it morbid for morbidity's sake. But we know there are important reasons for this - so that those surviving would be confident, informed and peaceful about the decisions for the funeral and to be truthful and open about our own mortality. Knowing what matters most to them and the legacy they would like to leave is really helpful.
Plenty of people are uncomfortable thinking or talking about death or even spending time with a grieving person maybe because of fear, because they feel it's unnaturally morbid or it makes them feel vulnerable. Obviously this subject - more than most - touches on our vulnerability.
This weekend I spent time with my Grandad (93) who is recovering in hospital after a severe fall. Being so elderly these things are not always free from complications. We had a really special time even though we all missed my Dad. I knew it wouldnt be long before Mum asked Grandad about his favourite hymns.
I think, through my experiences so far, I have become more matter-of-fact about these things - I know my mother has! I always joke that she should set up funeral consulting - but seriously - she is great at asking people (often the elder among us) whether they have written their will or funeral requests down. Hand in hand with this is her even greater openess to discussing God with friends.
At the visit Grandad was perky and gracious just like Dad. The way he spoke about the hospital was so similar and they were concerned about similar issues. He went to great lengths to emphasise that all the good stuff in his life was "God doing it - not me at all." The whole time concerned about everyone else being ok and providing for his family - exactly the same.
In a life threatening situation or serious illness - we have a need to convey our truest and deepest feelings to them before they die - how much we love and value them. Sadly not everyone gets that opportunity - that is a reason to appreciate people in your life and not take them for granted.
We shouldnt be afraid of death- I know this isnt easy because so much is tied up with it like pain and sadness. But take an opportunity to think about what you think happens when we die. If you know Jesus and have the secure hope and confidence of new life after, death has no ultimate sting - despite very painful earthly grief.
My dream is to live my life to the full, unafraid and trusting, with open hands and pointing to Jesus all the way. This may take more than a lifetime to achieve - but I am always a work in progress.
2 Corinthians 4:18 (New International Version)
18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
